.MEDS

Four

.

. In other news, studies show that truthful people are 40% more likely to lie than a liar who's never been caught lying.

.

. Dark storms threaten overhead. Most onlookers take shelter, but local witches gather on porches while observing social distancing. Calm and silent, they wait for the rain.

.

. Local witch (heathen/ UA) does what she will with intent. She unapologetically creates and warmly welcomes the effects of a much needed Respite Spell. Learn how to cast your own in a few easy steps...

.

Today, I probably fucked up. 

I told my mom that I’d taken a xanax. 

With all the emotional upset I’d been through in the last few weeks, I’d finally had enough. My medicine made me feel like I was on the verge of a heart attack (as well as going insane). Lights with halos. Dizzy and tremor spells. Nervous and jittery/scared. It sucked. It made me feel hopeless.

I tried to 'hang in there's and stick with the Wellbutrin SR because it was technically a mild stimulant. But I know without care, I'll still 'go down'. Every day your limbs get heavier and heavier. Each shower washes away less worry and your soul gets tired. 

I call it a "Stoned Depression": you feel stoned and too heavy to move, but you're sober as a church mouse. Antidepressants always make me tired.

My friends were all busy, tired of me always singing the same tune (trust me, I’m aware, so now, I only ever mention what’s going on in my head if I’m specifically asked; which is next to never).

Anyway, I gave myself a couple days of respite. And I’m not going to go overboard either, I don't think. Like; right now, yes, I am fucked up on an alpha level that is very dangerous. But I can't keep this up. The most important lesson was learning I could put it down. Now that I've had my break, I wanna climb to it, but I know the only way I don't get caught is to put it down.

Today at the dentist, they told me I had a fever.

101.1 degrees F.

I’m sure it’s nothing. But by now, you might know how I feel about “winging it” when things are shitty. 

Anytime, really. 

Being reckless just wastes your time and takes years off your life. Either way, I'd better get it together. I don’t want Walter to worry. 

.

.

.

I messaged Rachel  today and told her what I'd done. She didn't judge. She just asked me if I was going to tell him or not.

I told her I wasn't sure. I told her I'd go with the flow. 

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.